I'm so curious

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"I can't hide who I am. I can't say things I don't mean, say that I like things I hate, or hate things I like. And more than anything, I can't lie to myself. '' -Key
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my friend and i, friends for about 11 years, got in a spat last year (my fault because i told her how i felt) and now she’s not talking to me. during our spat, i asked do you still want to be friends and she said yes but idk if she was telling the truth because the issue was about lying. so after, i met up with her 2 weeks later and confronted her how i cried for 2 days straight and then i think she texted me and i said something over text like “you don’t have to change for me if you don’t want to” something like that. but she never texted me since and it’s been 1 year i’ve been contacting her multiple times and she finally contacted me saying sorry i don’t think we can repatch this friendship again. but i had some hope that one day we could be friends but just hearing an answer hurts and i don’t know what to do. in the friendship, i was the sidekick and i hated that feeling but since i have no friends, i want to have a friend and she accepted me bc i am disabled. but i need to forget her since everything reminds me of her. (i’m a girl 18 yo btw) so what should i do? any opinion is greatly appreciated.